If Florida was a Woman

(This was written after my Spring Break vacation to Tampa, Florida, in March 2002. The lyrics in this poem reflect my observations of voluptuous, surgically-enhanced women, copious strip clubs, and even a prostitute I ran into at the hotel which Dad and I stayed. I will be honest: I had a very difficult time focusing strictly on the Spring Training baseball games at the New York Yankees complex on North Dale Mabry Boulevard near downtown Tampa, as well as the Philadelphia Phillies complex in nearby Clearwater.  Needless to say, the culture in Florida is quite different than it is here.)

If Florida was a Woman                            Spring 2002

If Florida was a woman, 

I'd be the hottest man on Earth. 

Never do I look forward to a good sweat 

As I do when her shooting rays 

Attack my fleshy armaments 

Which safely harbor all that is vital to me. 

Yesterday, I dropped to her sandy floors 

And indulged myself in some of 

Nature's finest crystal granules, 

And I rolled around in it like an alligator, 

Florida's native son, would do, 

Doing only what a true glutton should. 

Oh, I was so hot while I was doing that. 

She must have felt every drop of sweat 

From my raging hot body. 

En fuego, bebe. 

She must have, for I've never been with a woman 

Who was so wet, so moist in her most vital areas. 

I was only too happy to dive head-first 

Into her womb, this bed of life. 

All the little fishies swimming; 

It was almost sinful even for me to be 

Exposed to this sort of thing. 

Her palms, clammy with perspiration, 

Shone bright and green. 

I wonder if she's as jealous of me as I be of her, 

For I only have one lover, 

While she has millions. 

Let me be a sea gull! 

Let me be a sea gull! 

Leave me be! 

Leave me be! 

I never want to leave Florida, 

And she doesn't want me to go. 

If Florida was a woman, 

I'd never leave, 

But I'd always come.